My husband and I were at breaking point and if I’m honest when I think back, our arguments had been going on for years and slowly over this period of time we’d become more distant.
A changing point for us was when Darren started his new job and our life had to adjust to his new shift patterns and job expectations. I was fully supportive of the change, but over time became resentful because it felt like we all (the family and kids) had to just slot in because his work was taking priority. I know I became snappy, but I felt under appreciated and due to his work commitments, we spent less time together and instead of cherishing this time, we were arguing more. Not even over anything in particular, silly things, quite often though it was often rooted to something linked with his work, he was either home later than expected or on his phone and not present when together.
I did raise my issues with him, perhaps at times not in the best way but it always fell on deaf ears. Darren was working long hours and really hard, making more money than we’d ever had, so he felt he was doing his bit and already dedicating his energy to what he thought we needed as a family.
Over time I started to get quite stressed out, struggled with sleeping, sometimes I couldn’t eat and the atmosphere at home more often than not, was uncomfortable for all. We got to the point where we would not talk for a day or two, then everything would be fine, then we’d have another huge row and stop talking again.
So, at my wits end I reached out to Anna, and she suggested we try the Make or Break Plan. It was eye opening for both of us, we both went in open minded and I think it really helped that we watched it together. I think Darren needed to hear it from someone else and I also realised I needed to change the way I spoke and approached situations. It’s such a shame we got to this point, we’d actually completely forgotten who we’d fallen in love with all those years ago. So I thought it was brilliant when this plan encouraged us to go right back to the start and reminisce about when we first met, our first time we went on holiday together, the birth of our beautiful children etc, and it reminded us how lucky we are.
Darren said he was burying a lot of his emotions, and this plan helped him find them and the activities helped him talk about them. It was eye opening for me, I never realised how much emotion and burden he was carrying alongside all of this. I’ve also realised he works better if I give him time to process things, so we now make a conscious effort to go for a walk every weekend, we don’t plan to talk about our issues but sometimes they crop up and we seem to tackle them now in a calmer way. Don’t get me wrong he still winds me up, but I feel like I’ve got my Darren back. He’s even pulled back on some of his hours at work, so we’re planning on joining the tennis club together on a Thursday evening.
Massive breakthrough for us, thank you to Anna and her team for The Make or Break Plan I couldn’t recommend it enough.
Amanda, 39 and Darren, 41