Navigating arguments and conflict in your relationship

Tuesday, June 28th, 2022

Man and woman head-to-head shouting

Relationships can be wonderful, fun and fulfilling. But let’s be honest, they can also be tough at times and other times really tough! There might even be occasions when you’re flirting with throwing in the towel altogether, and if so, you’d be perfectly normal for pondering if it’s worth it anymore.  Being in a couple takes effort and focus, once the initial honeymoon phase flutters have segued into something a little more grounded, that’s when it’s super important not to take your eye off the ball. In fact, that’s exactly when care and attention for each other needs to be especially ramped up.

To reassure you, pretty much all couples argue, or disagree from time to time, in fact it might surprise you to know that a healthy couple is a couple who do have arguments, and vocalise opinions. Not all couples will agree on stuff all the time, that would be unrealistic to expect, and not least a little dull (it’s our individuality which makes us interesting). Couple therapists usually worry less about a couple who have healthy arguments than a duo who don’t argue at all. A couple who don’t engage in any important conversation or interactions with each other can be an indication that there are serious communication issues at play, and they’ve already checked out.

Having arguments and being stuck in unresolved times with your partner was one of the initial driving forces behind creating The Relationship Place. So many people find themselves in conflict at one time or another within their relationship, and whereas we might offload onto well-meaning friends, perhaps have a good moan to a colleague, there comes a time when something more is perhaps wanted, and needed, to make sense of what might be going on.

Therapy is not a dirty word, it’s incredible, but for years there has been this ridiculous stigma around couples therapy, particularly in the UK, where in actual fact it has an enormous success rate in helping couples air grievances and repair any cracks in relationships. Take the analogy of driving a car, if there wasn’t somebody who specialised in that area who could physically teach you how to work the car, how to steer it, and essentially how to keep you safe and happy when driving, then you’d probably give the driving a go yourself, stall the car a few times, swerve into a bollard and possibly come off the road. The instructor is there to give you the tools and the knowledge to be a good driver, a relationship coach is there to give you the tools and knowledge to be great within yourself and in a relationship.

We wouldn’t balk at investing in driving lessons, and the same approach should be when it comes to our relationships, they are too important in life to give it the scraps when it comes to care and attention.

So, if you’re reading this and perhaps thinking to yourself that ‘yes, it does bother me when I argue with my partner’, you would perhaps like to learn how to communicate better and how to stop those arguments erupting in the first place, then the Couples in Conflict Plan has been designed just for you.

There is no shame or embarrassment ever in reaching out and seeking help, in fact it’s the complete opposite. Showing the strength, bravery and vulnerability in wanting to learn more, be better, and wanting to protect, nurture and save something that is important takes guts.  Remember we all argue, the great news is we can learn how to do it a whole lot more productively.