Are Love Languages a load of nonsense, or can they help a relationship?
Much like ‘attachment styles’, ‘toxic relationships’ and ‘the ick’, Love Languages seem to be the relationships lingo and theory ‘du jour’. But what actually are they and can they really help a couple? The answer, in my opinion, is a big fat YES.
In fact, I’d go as far as to say that Love Languages have reportedly improved and saved so many relationships, that I don’t think we can ignore the usefulness of them.
Devised by American author Dr Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages:
- Acts of Service (doing nice things)
- Words of Affirmation (saying nice things)
- Quality Time (being completely present)
- Gifts (saying it with things)
- Physical Touch (getting closer)
A love ‘language’ is a way in which we express and receive love. According to Dr C we all have a ‘primary’ or preferred love language, and that may have been influenced by the way we were brought up too. Perhaps as a child you didn’t get told you were loved much, so as an adult you crave being showered with loving words, or maybe it’s the complete opposite and you were often given loving compliments by your family and it’s now a way in which you happily accept love as an adult in a relationship too.
Often the way we receive, and express love is the same love language, but it’s not always completely aligned and you might find that your primary love language (for example) is to give gifts but you actually hate receiving them in turn.
There’s an easy way to work out what your preferred love language is, simply ask yourself ‘how do I receive (and typically give) love?’
Then have a think about your day-to-day habits, behaviours and communications with your partner and what stands out as the most common way you feel loved, respected and appreciated. It’s not all about simply saying ‘I love you’, especially if you’re someone who doesn’t value ‘words’ as a priority.
My Love Language is Acts of Service, honestly if my husband thinks ahead about what would make my day that bit easier and I come home to the dinner cooked, the bins taken out, and the kids toys all cleared away, I’m one happy feeling loved wife. For me it’s way sexier than a bunch of flowers!
And how do you fathom out your partner’s Love Language?
You can either simply ask them the question ‘what makes you feel loved?’, or you could be a bit of a detective and test the 5 out on them to work out which is received the best. Bingo, once you know your partner’s Love Language and they know yours, you can both actively make sure you’re serving each other’s needs to best of your ability. Feeling loved = happy relationship.
If your relationship is currently going through some struggles or you want things to be the best as they can be to feel happier. Try our Make or Break Plan or our Couples in Conflict Plan, which can help to nurture and improve your relationship. Give one (or both) a try today!
